One day this week, I took one of our staffers along for a pastoral visit with a family in the early stages of grief.

As some of you know, it's the kind of work that I find challening but invigorating.

On the drive back to the church, my Good Shepherd colleague and I processed the visit. We re-hashed the things said, the things not said, the body language involved.

He noticed details in the conversation that I had taken for granted. He picked up on spoken and unspoken clues the family gave us.

In all of it, my friend saw the fingerprint of God in places where I had simply seen "conversation."

His insights were another reminder that in pastoral work, the small things matter. Nuances in conversation carry great weight.

So pay attention to the small parts of the conversation. Something big is happening.

And God is all over it.

After almost 20 years of full-time pastoral ministry, I believe I have a reasonably good understanding of how it works. Or how it doesn't.

So what are those things that a pastor needs to avoid if he or she will have both an effective ministry and a vibrant spiritual life?

Here are some thoughts . . .

1. Listening Too Closely To Your Critics. And To Your Fans. The reality is that most pastors are neither as "bad" (or sinful or heretical or egotistical) as their critics claim. Neither are they as "good" (or holy or impactful or humble) as their fans declare. Making ministry decisions or deriving personal identity based on the words of either group is asking for trouble.

2. Acting On Impulse. Most major mistakes of my time in ministry have occurred when adrenaline got in the way of wisdom.

3. Fear Of Failure. On the other hand, my tendency towards vacillation when it comes to big picture items has not served the church well.

4. Reading The Bible Only For Sermon Prep. Our recent Text Message series was a revelation for me and in me. It got me reading Scripture out loud every day. It's the best way I've found to meditate on God's word in a fashion that has nothing to do with Sunday's sermon.

5. Lack Of Personal Generosity. I know of pastors who seldom give or give very little to the churches they serve. Wow. How can you grow a generous church without making that personal commitment as a leader?

This is the season of the year when many United Methodist pastors begin new assignments.

I've only been through that kind of season twice -- once in 1990 when I graduated from seminary and began serving Mt. Carmel & Midway Churches in Monroe and again in 1999 when I began pastoring here at Good Shepherd.

But what should a pastor beginning a new work have in his or her "toolbox" to make sure the start goes well? Here goes:

1. A month's worth of sermons -- at least. Those first few weeks should be about meeting and connecting with people, not about hunkering down in the office preparing messages. Plus, if you start ahead, you'll always be ahead. Even today, I am typically working on messages 5-6 weeks out.

2. A box of thank you notes. Pastors receive a lot of "love" in the form of food and gifts, especially in the first few weeks of ministry. Given that we are losing the art of hand written notes, thank you cards now have even more power. Twenty years in, I still write five to seven notes a week.

3. A map of the community. Or a Garmin. Or a GPS app for your iPhone. Something that will enable you to visit with people in their homes. Pastors still have unparalleled access to people in their homes and in their times of need ... and we should use that access well.

4. A pocket bible. Home visits and hospital visits need to involve Scripture in order to be called "pastoral care." I read from a rotating selection of passages, depending on the situation. My favorite readings include 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, 2 Corinthians 4:7-10, Proverbs 3:5-6, Colossians 1:15-19, and, of course, Psalm 23.

5. An eye for strengths. It's easy for a pastor to focus on the flaws in the new work. I believe pastors have much greater effectiveness if they note what the church already does well and then build on that. It helps you grow into a more optimistic leader then giving guidance to a more confident church.

My good friend and former staff colleague Rich Tuttle had his very first Sunday in his new assignment (what Methodists call an "appointment") this past Sunday.

Rich is now serving Catawba UMC in between Hickory and Lake Norman.

So it all got me thinking about my very first Sunday as the "solo" pastor of a smaller congregation (or two) in Monroe, NC. Way back in 1990. So here are five memories from that day "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away":

1. Praying with Julie before leaving the house because I was so nervous.

2. Choosing music that was uber-familiar, including How Great Thou Art and To God Be The Glory.

3. Getting instructions on how to take prayer requests from one of the leaders in the congregation.

4. Preaching a sermon from Psalm 145 with an opening illustration all about Big Tex from the Texas State Fair.

5. Much kind affirmation from nice people afterwards.

I hope & pray Rich's first Sunday was the same . . . except for the Big Tex part.