Last night I served as a "guide" for our Pathfinder LoveDare group. Fourteen of us met in a private room at a local Chik-Fil-A (who knew CFAs even had private rooms?!).

Do you know what was the best thing about the group? The Chicken Sandwich dinner with cole slaw as a side? No -- though I have to admit that was pretty good. The fact that one man in the group made a CD of classic love songs for every couple there? No -- though that act of generosity was entirely unexpected and much appreciated. The conversation and laughter? No -- though I was glad to be in the middle of the camaraderie.

The best thing about the LoveDare group was how seriously all the couples are taking the material. They are listening to the sermons. They are reading the LoveDare devotions at home. And they are doing the actual daily dares which are designed to strengthen marriages and families.

And it's working. The consensus in our group was that this concentrated attention on marriage was helping to improve their relationships.

It's the power of focus. We are talking about one thing on Sunday mornings: LoveDare. Couples then read spiritual material around one idea: LoveDare. Then they come to a small group in which we talk and laugh and cry about one subject: LoveDare.

Focused. Simple. Powerful.

There's more where that came from this Sunday. LoveDare, Week 3: Biggest Fan. 8:30. 10:00. 11:30.

We have an interesting bunch of pastors and leaders at Good Shepherd. You can see their pictures and read their bios here.


Leading a group like this is full of the same kinds of highs and lows you experience with any family. Moments of great inspiration are often followed by times of abject desperation.


But usually, I recognize that all of us together are better than any of us individually. In fact, I recently received the most interesting email from someone who is part of the church:

Dear Talbot,

I have been attending GS for about a year and a half. I leave the church on Sunday mornings feeling so enriched. I have often wondered, “What makes this church so different?” I finally realized the difference several weeks ago.

I see Rich and he ministers to my heart.
James-Michael ministers to my intellect.
The entire music group ministers to my soul.
Ron ministers to my compassion.
You, Talbot, provoke my conscience.

It is no wonder that when I leave church I am completely at peace and completely challenged.

Thank you all for nurturing my entire being.

Isn't that great?

So yeah, I'm blessed to be part of that team. And the team is blessed to serve a congregation full of articulate, appreciative people.

I've got a tough funeral on Saturday. You can read the obituary here. James Odom was a good man whom I liked and depended on a lot.

But we want to do justice to James' memory and bring honor to God with the funeral service. We've got our top music team taking part -- April Geiger, John Pavlovitz, and Chris Macedo.

And I believe that funerals are really important. I've seen a lot of bad ones in my time in ministry. Bad funerals do two things: 1) deny the reality of the grief the survivors are feeling; and/or 2) use the service as an evangelism tool, attempting to get all the "lost" people in the congregation converted to Christ. Please. Not the right time or place.

Instead, we want funerals at Good Shepherd to give expression and permission. Here's what I mean by giving expression: I pray that my words and our music will give voice to things that people are already feeling but haven't been able to verbalize. That includes memories of the person who died, the qualities that made him or her unique, and why it is that this loss is especially poignant.

Giving permission is closely related: I pray our funeral services give people permission to grieve. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." Grief is natural, healthy, and good; denial or trivializing of grief is in the long run harmful to survivors and congregation alike.

In the end, when we are honest in that expression and permission, we do justice to the memory of the one who died and bring honor to the One who gives life in the first place.

I pray that happens on Saturday.

I want to expand on yesterday's post because the issue of churches, fund raisers, and tithing is something that really gets my mind and my heart going.

There are three primary reasons why we don't do fund raisers around here:

Community
Charles Kyker, a friend who pastors Christ UMC in Hickory, once told me, “The unchurched believe that all the church wants is their money. And we hold barbecues and bazaars to remove all doubt.” I can’t get that thought out of my mind. We live in a skeptical world and in cynical times – and people not familiar with the church often assume the worst in us. What message do we convey when our signage asks them to come into our facilities not to receive anything but to buy merchandise? Not a message of gospel but one of commerce.
Beyond that community impact, I find fund raising to be a moral issue. I have been in a church that held barbecue dinners to help pay the Methodist apportionment! That is asking people in the community to help the church meet its own obligation. Pay it or not – but don’t have other folks pay what is your responsibility.

Strategy
Do you know why Chick-Fil-A is so successful? They don’t make hamburgers. They do one thing – chicken – and do it brilliantly. Anything else would detract from their core mission.
At our church we have tried to adopt a philosophy of doing fewer things but doing them better. That means pouring our resources, energy, and excellence into what we do on Sunday morning. It is difficult enough to do church well that peripheral activities are an inevitable drain from what is most important. We have decided we are first and foremost a church. We are not a car wash, hot dog stand, or farmer’s market.

Generosity
By generosity here, I mean tithing. Here is the core reason why churches should not do fund raisers: any church that holds fund raisers is, fundamentally, teaching its people not to tithe. Why tithe when we’ll get the money through the bazaar? Why grow in the giving of 10% or more of my income when I’m giving the church that chicken to barbecue or corn that I grew? Our church doesn’t do extra fund raisers because we do God’s appointed fund raiser every Sunday when we receive an offering.

So now you know why we do what we do . . . or in this case, don't do what we don't do.

This weekend I led a group through our First Step class, which is the vehicle for membership at Good Shepherd Church. It was a fun group, full of people of diverse ages, backgrounds, and expectations.

But the group got the most energized when I told them about our church's policy towards fund raisers: we don't have them.

That's right. No bake sales. No raffles. No car washes. No barbecues. No pumpkin patches. All the people in First Step breathed a sigh of relief: it was if they were saying, "thank you Jesus!"

We don't do fund raisers because we do God's appointed fund raiser each week: we receive a Sunday offering.

You do that, you teach tithing, you set budget with foresight and boldness, and you'll never need to do a fund raiser. Ever.

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You can listen to yesterday's message -- "I Feel Completely Inadequate" -- here.